Whenever I need a giggle, I know where to go. It’s my iPhone Notes app. I flip through my current 56 notes and find my “Lauren’s Law” note.
What’s held me back from writing more frequently is that so many of my best Lauren’s Law stories are short, quick laughs. So, without further ado, I’ll share some of the randomness.
One time I bought a guy a beer, and he not only left the bar with another girl, he married her. I never bought a beer for a guy again.
I threw my back out when I was 26 years old. Carrying my laptop, work purse and gym bag proved too much for me.
My company decided to take company-wide headshots when I was 39 weeks pregnant. Got to love taking a picture everyone will see daily on your email and slack when you are your heaviest.
I joked to my husband that I wouldn’t get an epidural for the birth of our first child. Then it didn’t work. Ouch.
I tore my ACL at an “optional” college lacrosse practice. Did I mention this was my second time? One teammate had a comforting comment, “At least now you’ll be even with a torn ACL for each knee.” The silver lining? Both times I was given false hope that it might not be torn by a trainer and doctor.
I gained weight at a faster rate than pregnant women during my freshman year of college. Eighteen pounds in two months, thank you very much. And yes, it was much more than I gained by two months of pregnancy. Beware of Penn State’s Creamery all-you-can-eat ice cream.
My senior year of high school, I was on the front page of The Capital, going for a ground ball in a lacrosse game. I was in between another player’s legs and readers complained that the photo was a sexual innuendo. The same day, my sister appeared in Sports Illustrated’s “Faces in the Crowd” section. I’ll let you decide who had the bigger lacrosse accomplishment.
My company does free lunch every Wednesday. I won a competition and got to pick the free lunch option. It ended up being on the only Wednesday I was out of town.
Despite a career and hobbies that center around storytelling, I sometimes tell my husband stories that have no purpose or beginning, middle or end. Sorry dear.
My adult career began on Cyber Monday, and I had no idea it was a day of any significance. I should mention it was for an online retailer, so it was busy to say the least. I also went to the Raven’s “Sunday Night Football” game the day before. Talk about a case of the Mondays.
I almost got a former client on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.” The producer was slow to get back to me at times and would say, “The chaos keeps us young.” Ironically, my job at the time aged me terribly.
I hope you laughed out loud a minimum of three times. If you didn’t, go ahead and reread these again and that should help. For any of these stories that you’d like me to expand upon, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll consider for a future column.
Lauren Burke Meyer is a Severna Park native who was inspired to write Lauren's Law as a humorous play on the well-known Murphy’s Law adage: “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”