Lauren’s Law: How Cars Are Like Stocks

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Beware. Lauren’s Law is officially contagious. It’s latest victim? My poor husband, Scott.

It began with exciting news of a company car. Even better timing that Scott’s Nissan Rogue was paid off. Upon calling CarMax, my husband was quoted $2,000 for the car. Not the biggest payout but decent considering the car was used and not in the greatest shape.

Soon, the first hiccup on the road to selling the car came. The title of the car was needed before we could sell it, and it was sent to the wrong address. This delayed selling the car a few weeks.

The Nissan Rogue continued to sit in the guest parking area of our townhome community until the title finally arrived. My father-in-law kindly drove my husband to the dealer, so I didn’t have to take our active toddler, Charlotte. You’re welcome CarMax.

My daughter and I met up with Scott and my in-laws to celebrate our nephew’s birthday following the errand. The parked Nissan was the first thing I noticed upon arrival.

“I have good news and bad news,” said Scott. “Bad news is CarMax only offered me $1,000. Good news is I talked to someone when I was leaving who would consider offering me the original quote of $2,000.”

And so the next day, Scott offered the prospective buyer a test drive. He’d been upfront about the car’s rattling sound, and thankfully, it didn’t spook the buyer. What did ruin the potential sale? Something that came loose during the half-mile test drive. Needless to say the Nissan did not get sold that day.

It got worse. Scott left the car parked in a regular parking spot in our community after the test drive. He didn’t do the best parking job. The Nissan was slightly over our cranky neighbor’s unspoken parking spot. That night, Scott noticed a warning that the car would be towed soon if it wasn’t moved from the parking lot.

“Good,” I said. Let it become the tow yard’s problem. Scott pointed out that we’d still have to pay if it were towed.

It was decided that Scott would take the car to the Nissan dealer the next day and take whatever deal they offered. Another wrench in the plan. Two car puns in counting so far (see paragraph three for the first).

The car died while Scott was 50 yards from our home and in the middle of the street. It took three different AAA visitors and four hours to finally tow the car 2.5 miles to the Nissan dealer of Annapolis.

Two days later, Nissan called with an offer.

Drumroll please … The car was sold for $50. Almost as bad as the 97 Ford Taurus my dad had to donate by the time the third kid and yours truly drove it.

It’s a surreal experience seeing my calm and collected husband go through something so uncharacteristic for him and something that has Lauren’s Law written all over it.

We learned an important lesson from this experience. Cars are like stocks: It’s important to know when to sell.

Lauren Burke Meyer is a Severna Park native who was inspired to write Lauren's Law as a humorous play on the well-known Murphy’s Law adage: “anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

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