By Dan Giles, Student Reporter

Writing a brief article about Valentine’s Day at Severna Park High School might seem like a simple task, but doing so is as complex and scattered as students’ opinions about the holiday itself.

First of all, simply trying to gather information from students is virtually impossible. For some reason, people are instantaneously driven away by questions like “Are you in a relationship?” or “What are you planning on doing this Valentine’s Day?”

As difficult as it is to ask questions, it’s even more difficult to answer the ones from the students. Simple remarks like, “Why are you writing this?” or “What it the point of the article?” can only be answered with an ambiguous response along the lines of, “Because it is a thing and I have to write it.”

Even worse is when the random interview subject happens to have a personal vendetta against the holiday and immediately starts throwing information at the scared journalist with the writing pad. “Valentine’s Day is about overrated corporate relationships; they just want our money,” said sophomore Robbie Greenspan.

“Couldn't care less, it is just another pointless holiday,” asserted junior Dan Brewer.

Added sophomore Rhys Burgett, “It’s a worthless holiday.”

There are also plenty of people that simply question whether Valentine’s Day even counts as a holiday. “I don’t think it is an actual holiday, because it doesn’t have anything to do with a religion or anything. It is a marketing holiday,” said sophomore Kayla Fick.

“I think it’s the stupidest thing, why do you need a specific day to express love?” asked freshman Emma Thompson.

Said sophomore Braddon Nickle, “It’s a waste of money and emotions because I have to go out and buy stuff for people.”

Also in stark abundance is the unhelpful quote. When asked what he believes Valentine’s Day should be about, sophomore Austin Spence said, “Mountain climbing.”

To many, Valentine's Day is just a day where successful couples make other people feel bad. “It’s the one day you feel alone,” said freshman Michelle Shaman.

“I never have a ‘valentine’ so it just stinks,” said junior Tory Courtney.

“It makes you feel so bad about yourself if you are single,” said senior Megan Brugnoli.

Where general consensus that nobody likes Valentine’s Day could work for a negative story, a general consensus that nobody likes it and a few people disagree works for a negative and inconclusive story. “I don’t know why everyone hates it; I think it’s cool,” said freshman Ansley McKnight, in direct contrast to what most people say.

Perhaps the one thing that can be concluded from this story is the existence of the ‘Valentine’s Day Clause,’ which states that throughout the entire domain of possible writing subjects, it is impossible to write a legitimate story about Valentine's Day. Go figure.